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Just me right now
WOw, I cannot believe I am actually using my LJ as a JOURNAL. But I am not a fic writer so nobody reads this anyway. It's just for me I guess. I am in the midst of a soul crushing depression. I numb it out with alcohol, or I sleep as much as I can and dream troubled dreams. I dreamed today that my mother told me she should have killed me instead of raising me. I wonder if that's really how she feels? Nobody has ever loved me, and the lonliness is almost unbearable. I need an escape, and fast. I am not a suicidal type; that's such a cowardly way out. I like to think that even those of us that are fucked up, or were mistakes...are here for a reason. AT least I hope I'm right. I am only 28...if I am not right, I have a long, miserable life ahead.

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of course not and if you think nobody loves you ill be there till you find the one you need. Nothing you do or did was wrong. Achohol is not going to fix anything and neither is sleeping especaily with hoses dreams. Go find some friends. It's hard but not impossible and that's all you need and after a while you'll find what you need. I'm bipolar, and have asbergzers (which i think i spelled wrong) and my life is hard to but that's not a reason to give up and just live a miserable life cause then your gonna die knowing there was a million things you coulda done and you spent it pitying yourself when you coulda done something to help yourself

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